Self-Actualising: Finding My Flow Update #4
Newsletter #40
Wahhhooooooo! Welcome! Shoutout to Perry, Lauren, Robin & Barney for subscribing since last post!
One of my passions is taking concepts that are great theory but are intangible and often lack practical application, and making them tangible and actionable.
I see one of my superpowers as taking these concepts like Ikigai (read here), the ego (read here) and breaking them down to make them actionable in today’s world. Today I’ll be tackling Maslow’s concept of self-actualisation.
Without further ado:
Blog: Self-Actualising
What does Maslow’s hierarchy of needs and the female ‘entertainer’ my team ordered post grand-final loss have in common?
They both looked great in theory but failed to meet my expectations in practice.
For the entertainer it was the discrepancy between the display picture and the lady who arrived.
For Maslow’s hierarchy it was how it failed to provide guidance on how to reach the top of the pyramid of needs, “self-actualisation”.
According to Maslow, self-actualisation is “the tendency for the individual to become actualized in what he is potentially. To do what they feel they are ‘meant’ to do and be who they are ‘meant’ to be ”.
Sounds great in theory but I couldn’t help but wonder “what am I potentially? What am I meant to do? Who am I meant to be?”.
Misguided Zone
My first mistake pursuing self-actualisation was believing my potential would be realised through external accolades.
I made this mistake due to not knowing myself. If you asked me the question “what did I wanna be when I grew up?”, I didn’t have a clear answer. I was never one of those kids who aspired to be a doctor, astronaut or architect.
In year 1, I was given the homework assignment of drawing the answer to that exact question and the best I could come up with was: the owner of a game shop.
Why? Because 6-year old Nic’s logic believed it meant he could play with all the games.
I came to realise school and university taught me the knowledge to work, but failed to teach me the self-knowledge to decide what career to pursue.
Consequently, I considered my “dream job” after university to be a role with a venture capital company. A role that brought me status and prestige due to the industry. However, after failing to find fulfilment in the role, I realised I was in the “misguided zone”.
A place where you lack fulfillment from your actions.
Paralysis Zone
After two years of soul searching I emerged in 2022 with a clear mission in life. Inspired by an Alan Watts metaphor where he shares life isn’t a journey, but a ‘dance’.
When you dance you don’t seek to arrive at a certain place on the dance floor, you do it to dance.
I became infatuated with this idea of teaching people how to ‘dance’. I became full of ambitions of creating an institution that did what school failed to do for me and give people clarity, confidence and direction in life.
However, fast forward 12 months and my progress towards this ambition was absolutely f*cking nothing (to put it politely).
I was still in the same unfulfilling job with minimal revenue from my ambitious side hustle.
Why?
I found myself crippled by fear. Fear of judgement. Fear of not being good enough. Fear of failure.
A fear that left me all self-knowledge, no action. Or as I came to realise: the “paralysis zone”. A place where I found myself with a head full of dreams.
Self-Actualising
Tired, frustrated and exasperated that people kept telling me I was so “full of potential”, but feeling like I was failing to deliver on that “potential”, I committed in February of last year to do one thing a week that terrified me.
The tasks I committed too were terrifying due to how vulnerable they made me feel.
I was opening myself up to the world, stripping away every mask, and saying ‘this is who I really am and this is what I love to do’.
Week by week I began revealing more of myself.
In week 1 I shared on my Instagram I was starting an online program.
Week 4 I hosted my first silent disco at Bondi Beach.
Week 5 I returned to Bali solo.
Week 11 I pierced my ears and painted my fingernails.
Week 12 I sang on my instagram (i’m a horrible singer).
And week by week the answers to “what am I meant to do?” and “who am I meant to be?” slowly emerged.
After 68 weeks it has seen me go from living in Sydney working a corporate job that didn’t challenge me to calling Bali home while working for myself.
However, I wouldn’t call these changes in external circumstances as self-actualising. Rather they’re a happy by-product of the self-actualising process.
The self-actualising has occurred internally, week by week, as I began feeling safer and safer to be the person I am and sharing my magic with the world.
I now find myself fulfilling my mission to empower people to dance, both literally and metaphorically.
Literally through hosting silent disco’s.
Metaphorically through the Growth Game - a gamified accountability container.
When I read disco testimonials like “The energy and good vibes he brings to the events are unmatched. From start to finish, it is a non-stop dance party filled with laughter and joy. Huzz knows how to keep the crowd pumped and the music pumping. Can't wait for the next one!” - Micky.
And Growth Game testimonials like “Huzz is the perfect leader of a community that helps you to challenge yourself in all the ways you’ve been afraid to! Would recommend to anyone hungry to improve themselves fast.” - Sam.
I realise I’m doing exactly what I’m supposed to do and I’m exactly who I’m meant to be.
Growth Game:
You don’t need a coach, guru or healer.
In fact you don’t even need the Growth Game, but if you like challenging yourself, putting yourself out of your comfort zone and growing then you’ll love what the Growth Game provides.
Over the past year I became tired of seeing people on instagram telling me I was broken and if I paid them all my problems would disappear.
I believed I had the answers, I just needed to take action.
But action was scary. I feared judgement, I feared failure, I feared I wasn’t good enough.
I realised I was my own biggest limitation.
The antidote?
A community of like-minded legends cheering you on and holding you accountable.
Ready to act on your ambitions?
Favourite videos of the past few months:
A recap of the tasks I did in the first year of doing one thing a week outside my comfort zone:
Our mission was simple: to sell out the cafe “Scones” of their signature dish - Scones.
A Fail / Learning of the Month:
Fail -
Week 71 of doing something outside my comfort zone I challenged myself to go up to seven strangers and ask if I could do magic tricks for them.
I always share I’m not a magician so my only promise is entertainment. It may be in the form of magic, it may be comedy.
After enjoying a delicious Mexican meal I turned around to the table behind where there were two lovely ladies. I proceed to ask them if they’d like to see a magic trick.
Immediately they looked horrified and reacted like I’d ask to show them chicken guts or a run over kitten. It was a very strong no.
Learning -
As I turned back to my table, I reflected on how I was feeling. It wasn’t the rejection that hurt the most. It was guilt that from causing them to experience negatively charged emotions.
I realise that my own inability to be at peace sitting in uncomfortable emotions creates massive resistance for me to create those emotions for others.
The consequence of this is struggling to say no if I believe I will disappoint the other person, people pleasing and creating tension in sales. Specifically around naming a price that creates tension due to it forcing people to choose what they value more: the money or my service.
One of my favourite definitions of freedom is being able to approach negatively charged emotions the same way we approach positively charged emotions.
I sit here typing this pondering different challenges I can to become more comfortable with these negatively charged emotions. Please share with me your ideas!
Until the next newsletter,
Much Love,
Huzz